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Nghe Lóm
xv05
#1 Posted : Monday, May 4, 2009 4:00:00 PM(UTC)
xv05

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xv xin giới thiệu với các ace mục "Nghe Lóm"

"Nghe Lóm" ("Overheard") là một mục mới xuất hiện gần đây trong một tờ báo bằng Anh ngữ ở Miệt Dưới, dành cho các độc giả sử dụng phương tiện giao thông công cộng và tuy không cố ý, vẫn "nghe lóm" các cuộc đối thoại của người khác.

Xin mời các ace cùng tham gia "nghe lóm" và kể chuyện "nghe lóm".


Wink Nghe Lóm

“I walked into a jewellery store to buy a cross for my necklace, but the only one they had was one with some guy laying on it.”

“Oh my God, I think I got swine flu. I ate Mexican last night and it didn’t taste right.”

Girl: “We need to buy another apple tree for our tree to grow apples.”
Guy: “Is that so they can have sex?”
Girl: “In a manner of speaking, yes.”
Guy: “Won’t it be difficult for the roots to touch as the soil is so rocky?”


Transit officer: “Do you know this gentleman?”
Woman: “yes, he is my husband.”
Transit officer: “How is he your husband?”
Woman: “I married him, you fool.”


Girl: “I’ve been calling it swan flu for like a week.”
Friend: “Is swine Mexican for pig?”
Tonka
#2 Posted : Tuesday, May 5, 2009 12:06:01 PM(UTC)
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beerchug XV
xv05
#3 Posted : Tuesday, May 5, 2009 4:09:48 PM(UTC)
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Xóa by accident Eight Ball
xv05
#4 Posted : Wednesday, May 6, 2009 4:16:24 PM(UTC)
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Eight BallNghe Lóm


“I want to have a tuna sandwich but the tin didn’t have the dolphin-friendly stamp. I told Mum, ‘There is no way I’m eating dolphin’.”

Girl: “Wow, it’s really nice of your mum to pick us up from station this late.”
Friend: “Yeah, that’s why she’s my favourite mum.”


“My friend drank 115 cups of tea and vomited up 17 of them. So he had 97 cups of tea in total.”

Women: “I might consider eating meat again, but I would feel bad if I ate a vegetarian animal like a cow or a lion.”
Friend: “Yeah, it’s not as bad if you eat an animal that eats meat.”


Male model: “The women get so much work. It’s like 80 per cent women and 30 per cent men.”
xv05
#5 Posted : Thursday, May 7, 2009 2:27:02 PM(UTC)
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Eight BallNghe Lóm

Girl: "I can't fax it because it's my only copy and they might not fax it back."
Friend: "Yeah, don't risk it."


"If you type 'Google' into Google, your computer will explode."

Girl: "I'm going to have winter in Germany."
Friend: "Which month are you leaving?"
Girl: "July."


"French undies? It just looks like a G-string with curtains."

Disappointed traveller to her friend: "I went to America last year and it was just so American."
Từ Thụy
#6 Posted : Friday, May 8, 2009 11:04:04 AM(UTC)
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Mục nghe lóm này thiệt là vui Big Smile.

xv05
#7 Posted : Friday, May 8, 2009 7:19:22 PM(UTC)
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hihi nhờ có TT đổ xăng, giờ xv có hơi chạy tiếp nha.
Hổm rày có "nghe lóm" được gì không hả TT?

Wink Nghe Lóm

Guy: "Swine flu doesn't come from pigs does it?"
Girl: "No, you get it from men."


Girl: "Can I get swine flu if I eat bacon?"
Friend: " No, bacon comes from cows."


Girl: (Talking about Hugh Jackman) "Eww, he is so old-like and hairy."
Friend: "Yeah, this is just a guesstimation but I think he is pretty ancient, like maybe 30..."


Boy: "I heard water carries swine flu. Now, I avoid anything with water in it."
Friend: "So what do you drink?"
Boy: "Coke."


"Eww, no way. Morals are for ugly people."


"Oh my God. I think the person in the Overheard section was me who said that. How embarrassing!"
xv05
#8 Posted : Sunday, May 10, 2009 4:08:13 PM(UTC)
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Wink Nghe Lóm

Girl: “When I was 10, my brother was only three years old.”
Friend: “Then when he is six, you will be 20.”


School boy: “I wish I could go to Mexico and get the swine flu so I don’t have to go to school nay more.”

Schoolboy: “Wow, that’s an expensive car for sale.”
Schoolgirl: “That’s the phone number.”


“When is Saturday Night Live on?”

Girl: “What’s an artichoke?”
Girlfriend: “Oh, they’re those smelly little fish that come in a cane.”
Girl: “How did you get so smart?”
Girlfriend: “I read a lot.”
xv05
#9 Posted : Monday, May 11, 2009 4:05:45 PM(UTC)
xv05

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Wink Nghe Lóm

Rail ticket buyer: “Can I get a weekly return?”
Seller: “Well, you can’t get a one-way weekly.”


“Even if it’s free I’m not paying for it.”

Girl: “Did you get a hair cut?”
Friend: “Nah, the fairies got me in my sleep.”
Girl: “As in fairies, or gay men.”


Girl: “I’ve always wanted to learn German.”
Friend: “My mother is German. Her name is Lisa.”
Girl: “Really? How do you say the in German?”


Girl: “I’m a vegetarian but I eat shark. I’m allowed to eat something that can eat me.”

Girl: “I really love Thai food.”
Friend: “I hate it. Thai green curry smells like someone has done three hours exercise and drained their BO into a bowl.”


xv05
#10 Posted : Thursday, May 21, 2009 12:51:50 PM(UTC)
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Wink Nghe Lóm

Boy: “My mum has been pregnant for ages. She is having twins.”
Girl: “Yeah, twins? Doesn’t that mean that she’ll be pregnant for double the time?”


Girl: “Bananas are an herb.”
Guy: “No it’s not. Bananas are a nut.”


Girl: “What animal is ham?”
Friend: “Umm, pig.”
Girl: “I thought it came from lamb.”


Woman: “I think my boss has three daughters. They are all girls.”

Girl to her friend as she hops off tram: “Don’t get raped. And if you do, text me.”

Girl to her friends: “Can we not sit in the front carriage? If we crash we’ll die.”

Girl on mobile: “There were only 13 of us at work today. We usually have a team of 15 but one girl was on holiday so that brings it down to 13.”

Guy: “Why go to China if we have Chinatown here?”

Girl: “Do you look like your dad, because you don’t look like your mum?”
Friend: “No, I have a third parent whose genes I inherited.”
Girl: “Really?”


Sương Lam
#11 Posted : Thursday, May 21, 2009 2:24:58 PM(UTC)
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XV05
Mục nghe lóm này "nghe" xong thấy vui thiệt. Big Smile
Cứ tiếp tục nghe lóm rồi về kể cho bà con nghe để cười một chút nha XV.
xv05
#12 Posted : Friday, May 22, 2009 6:05:34 PM(UTC)
xv05

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Em mời chị Sương Lam và các ace cùng "nghe lóm" tiếp nha.

Wink Nghe Lóm

Boy: "I can't believe we have to do science at school. It's so boring."
Girl: "I know. It's not like I'm gonna want to be a scientologist."


Girl 1: "Why did your train stop for 10 minutes this morning? Do you think it had a flat wheel?"
Girl 2: "No, it probably ran out of fuel."


Guy to friend: "Have you ever been electrocuted? It's very awakening, beleive me. I tried it on my brother one time."

Train driver: "If you have any valuables on the seat beside you, like your mobile phone or pet giraffe, please remember to take them with you when leaving the train."

Girl 1:" I think I stink."
Friend: "Yeah, you're starting to stink like my brother's room."
xv05
#13 Posted : Tuesday, May 26, 2009 4:01:16 PM(UTC)
xv05

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Wink Nghe Lóm

Man: “You should avoid living in the bad areas in London.”
Friend: “Like Amsterdam?”


“If you’re ever going to cheat, make sure she’s more better than your girlfriend.”

“Is pizza fast food? I don’t think it is, because it’s not fast. It takes like 15 minutes. Fish ‘n’ chips is.”

Girl: “Stop apologizing.”
American friend: “I’m not apologizing, I’m just saying sorry.”


“If my boyfriend jumps off a cliff, I’ll kill him.”

“You’re not a monkey. You don’t have to pick the lice out of my hair.”

Girl: “What nationality are you?”
Boy: “Guess.”
Girl: “Lebanese?”
Boy: “No, but you’re very close.”
Girl: “Mexican?”

xv05
#14 Posted : Monday, June 1, 2009 7:07:34 PM(UTC)
xv05

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Wink Nghe Lóm

Train driver: "If you leave anything behind when you get off, make sure it's something I can wear, use or sell."

Guy reading insurance brochure: "Check it out. If I die, I get $25,000."

Guy in the rain: "My umbrella needs Viagra."
Girl: "Why, won't it stay up?"


Women: "Do you want to hear my bad news? I'm really starting to like the guy I'm marrying."

Girl: "Don't you wear glasses any more?"
Friend: "No, I got contacts."
Girl: "Really? Can I have their number? Do you think they could fix my eyes too?"


Schoolkid: "Ay, do you have a $2 note?"
Friend: " No, but I have a $5 coin."


Tram driver: "If you want to get off, please push the button as the machine that lets drivers read your mind is not working."

Blonde: "Barack Obama is doing well. I'm glad America finally got another black president."
Brunette: "I thought Obama was the first black president."
Blonde: "No, didn't you do history in school? Martin Luther King was the first."
xv05
#15 Posted : Sunday, June 7, 2009 11:23:25 AM(UTC)
xv05

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Wink Nghe Lóm

Toddler: "Grandpa, what's that yucky smell?"
Old man: "What smell?"
Toddler: "I think it's you, grandpa."


Girl: "If there is a blackout, will the toilet still flush?"
Boy: "I can't believe I'm still dating you."


Mother to son: "Look, I've told you once and I've told you twice: Don't make me tell you the second time!"

Boy to his friend who was copying his homework: "Hey, don't write it with black pen. Write with blue."
Friend: "Why?"
Boy: "Because I've done mine in black, so the teacher will know that you copied it from me."


Girl: "Greek people aren't smart."
Guy: "What about Aristotle?"
Girl: "He's dead."


Girl: "Some idiot thought Martin Luther King was a US president."
Friend: "Who is Martin Luther King?"


Lecture: "Oh, they're nice earrings. Where did you get them?"
Student: "They're Mexican folk art."
Lecture: "I better not go near them then."


xv05
#16 Posted : Monday, June 8, 2009 4:18:31 PM(UTC)
xv05

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Wink Nghe Lóm

Girl: “Did Jesus have 12 disciples?”
Friend: “No, he had 12 apostles.”
Girl: “No he didn’t, aren’t they those rock things on the beach near Melbourne?”


Guy on phone: “Don’t worry if you have a camel toe, they’re in fashion now.”

Girl: "A Norwegian court handed out a $142,000 fine for drink-driving.”
Friend: “Where is Norwegia?”


Girl: “How do babies breathe in the womb?”
Friend: “They have gills.”


Guy: “She reminds me of a serial killer.”
Friend: “Why’s that?”
Guy: “She’s always smiling.”
Friend: “That’s true. Never trust someone who smiles at you.”


“If you didn’t do your essay you could have at least made up some excuse, like, ‘my dad died’.”

Girl at Red Rooster: “ Can I have a Rooster Roll but instead of rooster could I have chicken?”
Sương Lam
#17 Posted : Tuesday, June 9, 2009 5:39:15 AM(UTC)
Sương Lam

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Big SmileBig SmileBig Smile Cooling
xv05
#18 Posted : Wednesday, June 10, 2009 4:10:27 PM(UTC)
xv05

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Cám ơn chị SL, "nghe lóm" tiếp nha chị Rose

WinkNghe Lóm


Guy: “What’s the value of pi?”
Friend: “About $2.50?”


Girl: “how was your night out on the boat?”
Friend: “Good, except I got really bad travel and emotion sickness.”


Girl: “Do you reckon Iceland is really cold?”
Friend: “Yeah, like Greenland is green.”


Friend 1: “Who’s Martin Luther King?”
Friend 2: “Like, hello, he’s the guy that brought black and white people together.”
Friend 1: “Michael Jackson?”


Girl: “Look at the hot guy that just walked past us. He seems to know you.”
Friend: “Yeah, he should. He’s my father.”


Guy: “What’s that movie called where Denzel plays a black man?”

Girl: “Samsung’s not Korean.”
Friend: “Yes, it is.”
Girl: “No, it’s not.”
Friend: “What is it then?”
Girl: “It’s Asian.”


Girl: “I could have been an Olympian.”
Friend: “Yeah, you could, all that was missing was talent and discipline.”
Nguyen Giang
#19 Posted : Thursday, June 11, 2009 1:06:34 PM(UTC)
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Nghe lóm hay thiệt à, blog chị Sương Lam nữa, em vào rồi, thiệt là hay,Big Smile
xv05
#20 Posted : Wednesday, June 17, 2009 4:00:31 PM(UTC)
xv05

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Thân mến chào Nguyen Giang Rose
Mời NG nghe lóm tiếp ha.

Wink Nghe Lóm

Guy: “You’re getting a blood transfusion? What if you get blood from a smart person? Do you think you will start talking French?”

Girl: “My Year Without Sex? It sound like a horror movie.”

Passenger: “How long is the nest train going to be?”
Station assistant: “About six cars long.”


Girl: “I wish Richmond had more hills, as long as they were all downhill. I don’t like cycling uphill.”

Boy: “What’s a period?”
Friend: “Um, it’s this thing that a girl has every ….”
Girl: “He means the math’s question, you idiot.”


Girl running on to train: “Phew, if I was any bigger, I would’ve missed that.”

Boy: “Isn’t it good to have a black president?”
Friend: “Bush is not black.”


Guy: “Why is it called swine flu? I thought it came from pigs not swans.”
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